I have made no secret about being in a relationship that includes a certain amount of power exchange. I am a submissive woman. People have asked me why more times than I can count now. Now, I don’t presume to speak for every submissive, in fact, the only person that I speak for in this post is myself, but it’s something that I want to answer.
Submission is the act of giving a specified amount of control of your life over to someone else. This can be everything from just letting them tell you what they want you to do in the bedroom, all the way to giving them complete control over most aspects of your life. On the spectrum, I fall closer to the conservative end. My partner has a certain say so over what I can and cannot do, but I also have a significant amount of autonomy and there are certain things that I would never give someone else to control.
I choose to submit because it makes me feel good. Something inside me takes pleasure in doing what someone else asks of me. I receive pleasure because I’ve pleased someone else. The feeling is similar to that feeling that you get after spending the afternoon in a soup kitchen. No, I’m not helping someone impoverished in my submission, but I feel good because I know I got to make someone else feel good.
As much as I enjoy that feeling, I think the best part of submission is honestly the thrill. There is an inherent risk to giving up that much power to someone and the feeling of doing so can be wonderful. It can also be liberating to be in the bedroom and just listening, doing, and feeling. Submission allows you to free yourself from having to wonder “is my partner enjoying this?” “Am I doing this right?” “What could I do better?” It is wonderful to just be able to react.
I submit because it’s good for me. By pleasing one person (or a couple of people in my case), I am actually freer in the rest of my life. I don’t have the need to please everyone. Many people see this need to please as a personal flaw, and it may be, but through submission to one person, I found my voice again to say no and to understand when people were taking advantage of that quality that I had.
I submit because it’s natural to me. I am not setting the women’s right’s movement back. I chose to submit, no one chose this for me and I retain the right to end this at any time. Submission is fulfilling and fun. It’s who I am.