The Importance of Sex in a Relationship
Have you ever noticed that we’re taught that we’re supposed to wait until we’re married to have sex and after marriage, the running joke is that no one has sex anymore? A 2001 survey conducted by Durex suggested that unmarried couples have sex an average of 146 times per year, while married couples have sex only 98 times per year. Clearly, after marriage sex becomes less of a priority. Today I want to talk about why it’s important to keep your sex life active, even after you say “I do”.
Studies have shown that frequent sex can reduce physical pain, especially arthritis and pain related to PMS. Why? Because when we have sex, our brains send out chemical signals for pleasure, especially endorphins. Endorphins attach themselves to pain receptors in the brain, blocking the pain signal. So, now that you understand a bit about why it reduces pain, we should talk about why this important to a relationship. Men everywhere are aware of the PMS monster, that time of the month when women are at their absolute worst. Women, how many of you would be in a much better (and less argumentative) mood if you didn’t feel like your uterus was trying to claw it’s way out of your body? Everyone? That’s kind of what I thought. Pain makes us far grumpier than we would be if we weren’t in pain.
Sex makes us calmer and reduces stress. Remember those chemicals that I was just talking about that your brain releases during sex? Those same chemicals are responsible for feelings of happiness and calmness. One of the biggest reasons that couples begin to have trouble in a relationship has nothing to do with the couples themselves, but their stress levels. Think about all of the demands that you have right now. Many people have jobs and children, family arguments, other outside commitments, and a multitude of other things. It’s no wonder that we have huge stress levels. Relationships get put on the back burner through all of this and many times when we do a few spare minutes to focus on our relationships, we’re simply too tired to do so. Sex reduces those feelings of stress, making it so that when there is time, we actually have the desire to put the work in. Sex is self-replicating, meaning that the more often we have sex, the more often we want it.
Perhaps the most important reason to have frequent sex in your relationship, isn’t physical at all. It’s entirely emotional. Sex is a powerful experience that two (or more) people can share with each other. We learn things about that person that we didn’t know and we become closer to them in the way that only sex can bring us. So I lied a little when I said it wasn’t physical because there is still some chemistry involved. One of the other chemicals released during sex is oxytocin (it’s better known as the love hormone). This chemical is responsible for the warm, loving feelings that many of us get about our partner(s) after sex. Without these feelings, a relationship has no chance of remaining. Now, there are other things that can cause those feelings (most of the things that you do for your partner in the beginning of a relationship actually), but many of us stop doing those things. I personally believe that this is one of the reasons that so many relationships that seemed like they would work in the beginning end up fizzling about six months in.
So, sex reduces pain and stress and increases feelings of love between partners. What isn’t to like about that? All of these, and many more benefits, are reasons that sex should be an important part of a relationship. Not to mention how fun it is. When you and your partner feel that you are ready for sex, you shouldn’t feel bad about that choice. It will help you to grow closer as a couple and add an entirely new dimension to your relationship. For those of you in long-term relationships that don’t have sex on a regular basis, try it, you might find that spark that you felt was missing.
As always, play safe, and feel free to leave comments in the comments section.