I grew up in a Catholic family. Shame wasn’t just something that we were supposed to feel when we did something wrong. Shame was a way of life and in no larger capacity than when is comes to sex. Unfortunately this is how most people are raised. We’re taught that talking about sex is bad and having sex, although necessary, is something dirty, unspeakable, and most of all shameful.
Sex should not be embarrassing. There is nothing more natural in the world. Not only is sex necessary for the survival of our species, it’s enjoyable. We are lucky. Very few other animals (yes, humans are animals too) get to feel pleasure during sex. Why would something so vital become such an unspeakable topic?
I have had some interesting discussion with people recently about sexuality. One reason that I hear often is that if we were to give into our natural instincts, we wouldn’t be any better than any of the other animals. My response is: who is to say that we are better than them? Yes, we have built roads and houses and technology and millions of other things, but does the fact that we have larger more developed brains really make us better than the other animals, or are we simply different?
Another interesting reason is that sex is “meant” to be shared between a husband and wife. No one else. Let’s take a moment to think about this. Research shows that between 25 and 75% of people have cheated when in “monogamous” relationships. Due to the sensitive nature of that type of question, the actual percentage is likely higher. Based on this evidence, we have only two possible conclusions, either most people are bad (as in they are incapable of having a monogamous relationship) or sex is not “meant” to be with only one other person. Going back to the topic of humans being animals, did you know that the vast majority of animals (and almost the entire class of mammals) are not monogamous? Most animals attempt to mate with as many others as possible.
I’ve come to realize that religions all around the world criminalize those things that people find pleasure in. I think we need to start living for enjoyment. Pleasure is not bad, evil, ect. Pleasure is a good thing, and the pleasure found in sex is especially good. It brings us closer to those that we choose to share it with and by doing away with the shame that we associate with sexuality, we are liberated beyond our imagining. Freeing yourself from such a constraint that society has chosen to place is truly wonderful. Do not be ashamed of your sexuality, straight, gay, bisexual, kinky, vanilla, monogamous, polyamorous. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you are happy and that you feel free to express your sexuality in the way that you want to, without worrying about what society thinks is the “right” way to express it.